Being a dog, I have very sensitive hearing. Therefore it will come as no surprise to you that the other day, I overheard an extremely interesting conversation regarding Animal Rights. (No, I wasn't ear wigging, I told you - very sensitive hearing. Sometimes. When what I hear interests me in any case). At first I was like 'well that's nothing interesting, this animal writes' but as the conversation continued I realised I had completely the wrong end of the stick. (Which is an interesting phrase, and I can't possibly imagine having a wrong end of a stick, both sides taste pretty good to me.)So, these girls were very passionate about Animal Rights, and so they should be. As it turns out, there is a European Law which gives us dogs (amongst some other animals of course) certain basic rights. These include: Freedom from hunger, thirst, discomfort, pain, fear and distress. As well as allowing us the freedom to express normal behaviour. All this sounds a bit ambiguous to me, but I'm all for it none the less. It also got me wondering, should humans have the same rights as us? I'm not really sure, but it seems fair enough to me. After all, they are technically animals too. So, shall we discuss this further?
First off, Freedom From Hunger. I don't know if this one exists for humans as we get so many backpackers coming through here telling me they are 'starving' and haven't eaten anything except a piece of bread and half a tomato in daaaaaayyyys and how they can't wait for dinner. Plus there is a man who lives under the bridge who I have to say is very thin indeed and looks like he really hasn't eaten anything in a long time. In fact sometimes, the way he looks at me, I'd swear he is imagining a doggy steak. He had better be careful, because I'm growing into a BIG girl, and already starting to get some seriously sharp teeth (so everyone keeps telling me, as if it's my fault!). SHOULD humans have this right? I think so, after all the more food they have to eat, the more they can share with me.
Freedom from Thirst. The way these guys polish off the free wine in here, you'd think they'd never had a drink in their lives! Humans appear to be very thirsty creatures indeed, so I would say this is a right humans deserve.
Freedom from Discomfort. Well, if you're going to travel around the world carrying 40 kilos of CRAP on your back, you deserve to be in discomfort! If I had a €uro for every person who complained about how much their luggage weighed, I'd employ a very stern looking Rottweiler to guard the gates to the park and stop that nasty Teo from getting in (he stole my ball the other day and then BIT ME when I tried to take it back!). If you're going to purposefully create yourself discomfort then I suppose humans don't need this right. Personally, the comfier the better for me!
Freedom from Pain. I don't think this one applies to humans either, because they always seem to be in pain and whats more, they appear to enjoy it. They seem to be especially prone to headaches in the morning, usually accompanied by a stomach ache and an aversion to bright lights. Now, while I'm not exactly what you might call a 'morning dog', I certainly don't feel these kind of pains on a regular basis like so many of you humans seem to do. The Boss says it's self inflicted and they shouldn't drink so much, but if you stop them drinking is that not then restricting their 'Freedom from Thirst'? And how does drinking cause this anyway? In any case, it seems a lot of humans enjoy being in pain, because they're always talking about their latest (and often also long since recovered) ailment, with what it seems to me, a great relish.
Freedom from Fear. Again, I can't see this applying to humans. They watch scary movies, dress up as ghosts and zombies and witches to celebrate a notoriously scary day (The Boss was talking about it the other day), jump off bridges with just a piece of elastic tied to their ankles (apparently this was invented by New Zealanders, weird!), all in an effort to scare themselves. So, we can strike another one off the list.
Freedom from Distress. I can't even imagine what this one means! Is it different from pain or discomfort? Can you be in fear or in pain without being in distress? I think they're all interlinked, in which case I don't think you guys need this one either.
Freedom to Express Normal Behaviour. This one has truly got me stumped. What is 'normal behaviour' for humans? Every person who comes to the hostel is different in at least a tiny way from another person. How is it even possible to classify this particular freedom? For example, every single human that stays at this hostel sleeps at some point, so to me this would be normal behaviour. So we can say 'humans have the right to sleep'. Right ok, does that mean you have the right to sleep for 10 minutes a day? Or do we need to quantify this somehow, as it seems important. Italian Bear sleeps for about 5 hours a night, while The Boss is more like me and usually takes about 8 hours (or sometimes more!). Some of our backpackers will sleep about 7 hours, others more like 12!! We could average it out and say 'humans have the right to sleep for 8 hours every night', but is that fair? I sleep for a long time because I need that sleep. If I had to wake up earlier then I would certainly feel my 'right to sleep' was infringed!
You humans are just so weird, I really can't put my finger on what is normal behaviour for you! As I am in the incredibly lucky position of being able to observe hundreds of you guys every month, let me pass on some of my observations....Some of our guests eat meat, others only veggies. Some take showers, others obviously have no sense of smell. Some smoke cigarettes, others balk at the thought. We have coffee drinkers, tea drinkers, water drinkers and just plain drinkers! Some people spend their days taking up the space on my couch, others are out and about from morning until night. The sane ones love me and shower me with cuddles, some crazy ones are in fact scared of me! (I know, I scarcely believe it myself).
This is truly a tough one and I have to say even a child genius like myself is struggling with the answer. I'd like to say yes, of course you are allowed the freedom to express your normal behaviour, but until I can confirm exactly what that entails I'd like to provide a list including my opinion of some acceptable behaviours in human beings:
Vacating the couch when-so-ever your canine companion requires some much deserved rest.
Sharing all appropriate meals with your favourite pooch.
Realising that a pair of shoes can always be replaced, but my love cannot – chill out.
Daily exercise is good for all of us, so put on your walking shoes (if you still have them!) and come out for a leisurely stroll.
Throw the ball, you know you want to! Good, now, throw it again! Get the idea?
Snacks work better than smacks - ask your doggy nicely and you will get a much better response.
Us dogs are like living hot water bottles – a quick snuggle with us will warm you to your heart so don't hold back on the hugs!
