Stick it to the Man!

Being a dog, I have very sensitive hearing. Therefore it will come as no surprise to you that the other day, I overheard an extremely interesting conversation regarding Animal Rights. (No, I wasn't ear wigging, I told you - very sensitive hearing. Sometimes. When what I hear interests me in any case). At first I was like 'well that's nothing interesting, this animal writes' but as the conversation continued I realised I had completely the wrong end of the stick. (Which is an interesting phrase, and I can't possibly imagine having a wrong end of a stick, both sides taste pretty good to me.)

So, these girls were very passionate about Animal Rights, and so they should be. As it turns out, there is a European Law which gives us dogs (amongst some other animals of course) certain basic rights. These include: Freedom from hunger, thirst, discomfort, pain, fear and distress. As well as allowing us the freedom to express normal behaviour. All this sounds a bit ambiguous to me, but I'm all for it none the less. It also got me wondering, should humans have the same rights as us? I'm not really sure, but it seems fair enough to me. After all, they are technically animals too. So, shall we discuss this further?

First off, Freedom From Hunger. I don't know if this one exists for humans as we get so many backpackers coming through here telling me they are 'starving' and haven't eaten anything except a piece of bread and half a tomato in daaaaaayyyys and how they can't wait for dinner. Plus there is a man who lives under the bridge who I have to say is very thin indeed and looks like he really hasn't eaten anything in a long time. In fact sometimes, the way he looks at me, I'd swear he is imagining a doggy steak. He had better be careful, because I'm growing into a BIG girl, and already starting to get some seriously sharp teeth (so everyone keeps telling me, as if it's my fault!). SHOULD humans have this right? I think so, after all the more food they have to eat, the more they can share with me.

Freedom from Thirst. The way these guys polish off the free wine in here, you'd think they'd never had a drink in their lives! Humans appear to be very thirsty creatures indeed, so I would say this is a right humans deserve.

Freedom from Discomfort. Well, if you're going to travel around the world carrying 40 kilos of CRAP on your back, you deserve to be in discomfort! If I had a €uro for every person who complained about how much their luggage weighed, I'd employ a very stern looking Rottweiler to guard the gates to the park and stop that nasty Teo from getting in (he stole my ball the other day and then BIT ME when I tried to take it back!). If you're going to purposefully create yourself discomfort then I suppose humans don't need this right. Personally, the comfier the better for me!

Freedom from Pain. I don't think this one applies to humans either, because they always seem to be in pain and whats more, they appear to enjoy it. They seem to be especially prone to headaches in the morning, usually accompanied by a stomach ache and an aversion to bright lights. Now, while I'm not exactly what you might call a 'morning dog', I certainly don't feel these kind of pains on a regular basis like so many of you humans seem to do. The Boss says it's self inflicted and they shouldn't drink so much, but if you stop them drinking is that not then restricting their 'Freedom from Thirst'? And how does drinking cause this anyway? In any case, it seems a lot of humans enjoy being in pain, because they're always talking about their latest (and often also long since recovered) ailment, with what it seems to me, a great relish.

Freedom from Fear. Again, I can't see this applying to humans. They watch scary movies, dress up as ghosts and zombies and witches to celebrate a notoriously scary day (The Boss was talking about it the other day), jump off bridges with just a piece of elastic tied to their ankles (apparently this was invented by New Zealanders, weird!), all in an effort to scare themselves. So, we can strike another one off the list.

Freedom from Distress. I can't even imagine what this one means! Is it different from pain or discomfort? Can you be in fear or in pain without being in distress? I think they're all interlinked, in which case I don't think you guys need this one either.

Freedom to Express Normal Behaviour. This one has truly got me stumped. What is 'normal behaviour' for humans? Every person who comes to the hostel is different in at least a tiny way from another person. How is it even possible to classify this particular freedom? For example, every single human that stays at this hostel sleeps at some point, so to me this would be normal behaviour. So we can say 'humans have the right to sleep'. Right ok, does that mean you have the right to sleep for 10 minutes a day? Or do we need to quantify this somehow, as it seems important. Italian Bear sleeps for about 5 hours a night, while The Boss is more like me and usually takes about 8 hours (or sometimes more!). Some of our backpackers will sleep about 7 hours, others more like 12!! We could average it out and say 'humans have the right to sleep for 8 hours every night', but is that fair? I sleep for a long time because I need that sleep. If I had to wake up earlier then I would certainly feel my 'right to sleep' was infringed!

You humans are just so weird, I really can't put my finger on what is normal behaviour for you! As I am in the incredibly lucky position of being able to observe hundreds of you guys every month, let me pass on some of my observations....Some of our guests eat meat, others only veggies. Some take showers, others obviously have no sense of smell. Some smoke cigarettes, others balk at the thought. We have coffee drinkers, tea drinkers, water drinkers and just plain drinkers! Some people spend their days taking up the space on my couch, others are out and about from morning until night. The sane ones love me and shower me with cuddles, some crazy ones are in fact scared of me! (I know, I scarcely believe it myself).

This is truly a tough one and I have to say even a child genius like myself is struggling with the answer. I'd like to say yes, of course you are allowed the freedom to express your normal behaviour, but until I can confirm exactly what that entails I'd like to provide a list including my opinion of some acceptable behaviours in human beings:

Vacating the couch when-so-ever your canine companion requires some much deserved rest.
Sharing all appropriate meals with your favourite pooch.
Realising that a pair of shoes can always be replaced, but my love cannot – chill out.
Daily exercise is good for all of us, so put on your walking shoes (if you still have them!) and come out for a leisurely stroll.
Throw the ball, you know you want to! Good, now, throw it again! Get the idea?
Snacks work better than smacks - ask your doggy nicely and you will get a much better response.
Us dogs are like living hot water bottles – a quick snuggle with us will warm you to your heart so don't hold back on the hugs!

Feel free to advise me if you think of anymore....

Two to Tango?

Japanese people!! Just amazing! The girls are small and cute (like me!) and go all squeally when they see me, which gets me all excited so I run around like crazy and they squeak even more so I jump up some more and start barking and then...then they get all scared and The Boss comes over and shouts at me! Well excuse me, but if she didn't get me all wound up in the first place then there wouldn't be a problem, so why don't you shout at her?! Hmph!

Life is so not fair. Why can't things be straightforward? Sometimes I just don't understand at all. Like why can I play with Italian Bear's shoes, but no-one else's? Why does everyone get to eat yummy pasta and cheese and salad and sausage and tomatoes and mince, except me? Why is it OK for The Boss to pee in the house, but not me? (They have a special room called 'Il Bagno', but I have to go outside!! The cheek of it). How is it acceptable to torment me by leaving literally hundreds of perfectly chewable items lying around the floor and only allowing me to chew about FOUR of them!! When it comes to making a decision between getting told off for sniffing around in the bin and finding something delicious in there, it's hard for me to make the 'right' choice!

According to The Boss though, things are much more complicated when you're not a dog. Decisions can be the difference between a great experience and a horrific once, between being loved and being hated, between being rich and being broke, even between life and death. One minute movement and your life is changed forever. Once she made a decision to go to Rome instead of Venice for her holiday and that's where she met the Italian Bear. This changed her life completely (In a good way she adds). She talks about someone called Fate and I find it a little confusing. Apparently Fate is someone that decides your future. So for example Fate would be responsible for the fact Japanese Guy accidentally dropped some delicious chicken on the floor yesterday, while I just happened to be in the vicinity of the kitchen table. So it wasn't Japanese Guy who gave me the chicken, it was Fate. Even though i didn't smell, hear or see Fate anywhere.

I'm not sure whether I agree with The Boss on this one though. Surely if Fate wanted me to have some chicken she would give it to me, regardless of where I happen to be at the time? But if I was not in the kitchen, how could I have found the chicken? At the same time, if it were not for Fate, would I have been in the kitchen at all? Or would Japanese Guy been a bit more careful with his food? Personally I don't think Fate is a solitary animal. Perhaps she is the leader of the pack. She lives amongst others such as Luck, Timing, Sense, Knowledge, Emotion and Ability. The pack works together on every scenario but Fate decides what the outcome of each play will be.

So what if I had made a different decision? Let's say Japanese Guy makes his chicken sandwich and sits down at the table. I come strolling into the kitchen and that sweet aroma hits my nostrils making every nerve in my body twitch. In my head I know I shouldn't jump up, heaven knows I've been told enough times! But that chicken is calling me! I can't stand it any longer so I jump up right at that panino....but wait, Japanese Guy wasn't expecting that and now it looks as though a bit of that chicken has got stuck in his throat. Help! I'm only a pup and I really don't think I can do that 'Heimlich Manoeuvre' thingy, what do I do??

Every scenario has hundreds of variables and thousands of potential outcomes, if not more. What puzzles me is why one outcome favours another. Is it really Fate? Is everything 'meant to be'? Or is it just completely random? Either way doesn't seem like a particularly good answer to me. When your life is touched by tragedy what explanation do you prefer? That everything happens for a reason and this is Fate. Or that life is totally random and sometimes seemingly unfair. When things work out for the best is that just a coincidence, or is it because Fate wanted it that way?

When something good happens we don't tend to dwell on the matter so much. However when it's bad news we always look for something or someone to blame. When I was happily munching on my gift of chicken I didn't care if it was Fate, Coincidence or Good Fortune. If things had been different and I'd found myself choking on a chicken bone, would I have been so willing to accept my Fate? Would you? Or would you put the blame on Japanese Guy for not being careful enough with his chicken? Perhaps the fault lies with the vendor for not advertising that chicken contains bones? Or what about the chicken herself, is she entirely blameless in this scenario? Maybe we should sue Fate herself, after all if it was her decision then surely the blame rests squarely on her shoulders....

French Kissing

So, I've been working at the hostel for over two weeks now and in this time I've smelt loads of fantastic feet (I just love the smell of feet! And shoes, OMG the best invention ever!). I've smelt feet from all over the world; Mexico, Canada, Australia, Brazil, USA, Germany, Spain, England, New Zealand, Korea, Wales, Japan....the list goes on. But do you know which ones are my favourite? The French Ones.

Before you cry out in rage and dismay, let me explain a few things.

I'm an Italian dog of German descent working for an English Boss and an Italian Bear (Maybe he's not really an actual Bear, but he's big, hairy, cuddly and roars at me when I'm naughty so I think he might be one). I know I should hate the French. I've heard all the stories about how rude they are, how they snub speaking English, or if your French is less than perfect they refuse to even acknowledge you, they eat weird and disgusting food, they smell of garlic, they're unhelpful, they're unfriendly, have no sense of humour, blah blah blah.

Well, I disagree. All the French people at our hostel have been amazing. They either speak English fluently or apologise profusely for their lack of understanding. When The Boss digs deep into the bowels of her brain and recoups her most basic of French, they respond with warmth. When the Italian Bear sold some French guy's beds to some Mexican girls, the French actually THANKED him for letting them sleep on the floor! Their food is yummy and they even have cheese that smell like feet! My two favourite things in one, amazing! They always fuss me and kiss me and don't mind a bit when I steal their shoes, and they spend hours chatting to The Boss and The Bear. They're quiet, they don't complain, they always pay on time without having to be asked....The Boss even went so far as to say they might be her favourite breed of guest (but she asked me not to tell any English people she said that).

So is this blatant racism against the French warranted? It's hard to say, mostly because I've never met the French on their own turf. Maybe the people we get here are different because they're travelling and staying at a hostel? Or maybe these are a new generation of French people who have realised the error of their ways? Without having a good sniff of every French person's feet, I couldn't tell you. But what you do realise from working here in the hostel is that you can never judge a person by their nationality alone. Nor can you tell an awful lot just by looking at their clothes, listening to their stories or checking their passports. No, it's much more complicated than that. Something that takes a certain talent to uncover. I believe there exists a phrase 'Never judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes' but in my opinion you don't need to walk the mile, you just need to give those shoes a good sniff, mmmmmm!

The Stranger I Never Met

Something really strange happened the other day. In fact it was something awful. At the time I didn't feel to write about it, but an idea has been forming in my canine brain.

Have you ever stopped to think about what happened to all the strangers you never met today? The people that could have touched your lives, but didn't. Often we meet people we never could have guessed we would. Here at the hostel of course I meet new people every single day, the vast majority of which I would never have met were I not here at the hostel. Some of these chanced meetings could lead to life long friendships, true love or simply remain amazing memories. When we meet people like this we sometimes think of fate or destiny. But what about those people that should have come to the hostel, but then for whatever reason, didn't. What happened to them, why didn't they come? Were we destined never to meet after all?

At the hostel I know that I should have met these people, thanks to the handy reservations list we have! But lets say I'm out for a walk. I meet a guy with a shopping bag meandering up the road. Then two little old ladies out for their evening stroll stop to tell me how beautiful I am. Then I see a group of Chinese girls running across the road. Another man comes jogging past me. A young couple holding hands don't see me because they're too engrossed in each other to notice the world. A girl who stops to chat because her new Boxer puppy arrives at his new home tomorrow, what a coincidence!

I met all these people because they happened to be walking along the same road as I, at the same time. But I will most likely never know who else planned to have been walking that road too, and for some reason they didn't arrive. Were they just late? Did they choose a different road at the last minute? Or did they get lost? Perhaps they got sick, or worse? Maybe they met a long lost friend and got chatting about the good old days? The reasons, as well as the people, I may never know.

So to all the strangers I never met, but should have; take care of yourselves, because it only takes a second to change the world. And not always for the better.

50 Year Old Girl Does Europe

When a young backpacker comes to the hostel, you can sometimes expect to have to mother them a bit. Boys and girls of all nationalities needing help in all kinds of situations; how to book a train, where can they find a cheap hostel in Rome, calling the doctor when they're ill, making sure they make it to bed after a heavy night on the town, how to cook pasta properly, arranging to send on their forgotten belongings, how can they get to Venice and back in a day without spending more than €20....the list goes on.

What is not often encountered however is the mother who has travelled across the world alone, yet is seemingly incapable of even the simplest tasks. Compound this problem with a stolen purse and an unsympathetic hubby on the other side of the planet and you get a very interesting result indeed. The 50 year old girl.

This girl does not know how to access her emails. This girl does not know how to use the phone to dial abroad. This girl does not know how to explain her dire situation to those who can help. This girl does not know how she can receive money wired from home, or even in fact that money CAN be wired from home. This girl does not know how she can book her museum tickets. She does not know what she can eat for dinner. This girl seems to be reliant on someone else to take care of her every need. This girl's thought processes seem to jump sporadically from one unrelated thought process to the other, you can even hear them if you listen closely. Shhhhhh....boing, boing, boing!!

All these things we expect from the 18 year old student, never before been out of their own town by themselves let alone to another country. When this species of traveller is encountered we are patient, sympathetic, caring and we want to help. But with this newly found breed we find our patience lacking, our lack of sympathy is astounding, we care for their troubles about as much as we care about the weather in Norway and our desire to help diminished. But why?

I don't think there is any deep reasoning behind this, I suppose we just expect more. And when ones expectations are compromised I guess we feel let down by life. Or maybe we're just so tired of looking after the real kids, that we just can't be arsed! In any case, at least she has one great quality that all mothers have, she's not scared of a bit of poo.

Equal Rights for Whites!!

Hmmm....I swore to myself that I wouldn't use this blog to raise this issue but even in these early days prejudice has raised it's ugly head.

Today, the creepy guy downstairs said some things that really got to me....that I should have been killed...that I have genetic defects....that I was given away for free because nobody would want me....that my new family are so kind to have taken pity on me and saved my poor little life....the insults go on.

Can I just clarify some things??
1. About 25% of us Boxers are white because all 'Flashy' Boxers carry the gene for white.
2. This is apparently because the original Boxers were white, but then because we were employed as police dogs they wanted darker colours so as not to be easily seen at night. Thusly us whiteys became less common.
3. Now the 'breed standard' for showing does not allow White Boxers (but we can compete in agility classes, so we can't be soooooo bad!).
4. This apparently led to a lot of breeders killing the white pups at birth because they couldn't make them a profit.
5. It seems this has caused many people to believe nasty rumours that us whiteys have defects such as increased health problems, deafness, hyperactivity etc.etc
6. It is true that white dogs are more prone to deafness, and our skin is more sensitive to the sun, but this is true of all breeds, not just us!
7. I think people who believe all this crap are just IDIOTS!!! Especially creepy guy downstairs.

If you think otherwise you can sniff my ass ; P

Geography for Americans

Question: 'So, what do you want to do while you're in Florence?'

Answer: 'See the leaning tower.'

Response: 'Which isn't in Florence....'

In total shock and dismay: 'REALLY???!!!'

FYI....the Leaning Tower of Pisa is in fact, in Pisa.

Later that day: 'Southern Italy is in the south, right?'

Response: 'sigh'

According to a current (American) guest, 60% of Americans never leave their home state. Is this true or one off those made up facts? Maybe the truer statement is 60% of Americans don't know anything about the world outside their own state. Although I'm assured they know the difference between North and South....

Finalmente!!

So, the day finally arrived and I'm now at my new post as Hostel Dog! It's exciting stuff and I've got a lot to learn, it's a BIG responsibility looking after all these people. For now I'm just learning the ropes, checking people when they come in, making them feel welcome (lots of licks seems to do the trick). Unfortunately it's so hot at the minute, I just want to sleep most of the time. 41 degrees in Florence today! But I do make the effort with the guests, carrying their shoes for them, entertaining them (they go goo-goo when I chase my ball around, bless them!) although I have to say, I do enjoy doing these things, is it wrong to enjoy your job?

One problem I have with this place tho is the stairs! We live on the top floor, three flights of stairs everytime I need the bathroom! Luckily for me the human elavator is a pretty comfortable ride.

All the guests at the minute seem pretty nice, they all give me lots of kisses and cuddles, except for one who tells me she doesn't like mammals only insects and reptiles! I will keep you updated because I'm assured things are usually a lot crazier in this place, but for now I'm off for a nap, ciao!!

Coming soon....

....in the meantime you can check out Fiona's new home B&B Maison on facebook!